I was covered in sweat. The room around me was spinning. My breath reeked of alcohol for the fourth night in a row. I knew she’d be upset with me again. I knew she was having enough of how I’ve been acting lately. I just couldn’t stop. Drinking took the pain away. How am I supposed to tell her that I’ll be leaving her for another 4 months when I just got home from being away from her for so long? I’m tired of hurting her. I should be home with her right now spending every single second that I have with her. I should be cuddling next to her and falling asleep with her head against my chest but no. I came to this dreadful dingy bar instead because every time I look at her I only feel guilt in knowing I’ll have to leave her again soon. 2 weeks to be exact. I took a taxi home. I drunkenly walked up the porch steps to our front door and walked inside. She was asleep on the couch and I tried to be as quiet as possible but the house was dark and I bumped into something and it landed on the floor with a crash. I slurred a “Shit” under my breath and I heard a soft “Liam?” after that. “Yeah babe it’s just me.” I heard her feet pad across the floor and the light was turned on. My eyes squinted, trying to adjust. She got me some ibuprofen and water and set it on the counter in front of me. Her eyes looked sad but I knew she was trying to hold it in. “Liam we have to talk in the morning.” She barely whispered and my heart dropped, only expecting the worse. I couldn’t reply my body felt numb either from the alcohol or from what she just said. I knew I would have to tell her in the morning. She helped me upstairs and got me out of my clothes. I lied in bed and she grabbed her pillow and a small blanket and started to walk towards the door. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards me, my body quickly sobering up. “Stay with me. Please?” She shook her head no and looked down at her feet. She stood there in silence for a few minutes before she let out a, “Are you cheating on me?” Her voice cracked as she spoke and my heart broke again. “No baby. No. I could never do that to you. I love you. You’re my world.” “Then what is it? Why have you been doing this so much recently?” I groaned not wanting to bring this up at this very moment. Her eyes searched mine for an answer and I patted a spot on the bed. She sat down next to me and I grabbed her hand. “We have some new tour dates set.” I sighed and she just looked at me. I let out a short breath and spoke again “We leave in 2 weeks.” ”2 weeks? For how long?” My head hung and I mumbled a 4 months.” Her hand clutched her heart and I knew it would break her. We barely get to see each other and I’m leaving her again. “This isn’t fair Liam.” “I know baby I know it’s not fair.” “Why wouldn’t you just tell me?” “I-I’m just tried of hurting you.” She sighed and felt her lips against my cheek. She placed two fingers under my chin and turned my face towards her. Her eyes looked into mine. “I love you.” “I love you too.” “Next time just tell me when something’s wrong.” “I will. I promise.” “We’ll make it through this baby. We always do.” I smiled at her and kissed her. I grabbed her and lifted her onto her side of the bed. She laughed like crazy and I peppered her face with kisses. I pulled her into me and we fell asleep silently.